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Posted on 08-01-2017

Hi! My name is Miss Moneypenny. My owners call me Penny. I’m a two year old calico little girl cat. I love my life. If I bother my owners enough they’ll leave me bowls of food. I use a litter box and they clean up after me. They buy me silly toys that look like mice and I bat them around. Sometimes I chase a laser light they run around the room for me. I reward them by curling on their laps to warm them and also warm their feet by laying on them in bed at night.

Everything’s perfect. Except those times as a kitten they stuffed me in a jail box and took me to a terrible place where there were cat-eating wolf-like creatures and humans that poked and prodded on me. I hated that, but that was a long time ago.

So today is a beautiful summer day and I'm lazily watching the birds in the tree outside my window waiting on my owners to get home. I’m hungry! But, there is something different about today. I noticed the door to the basement was opened and at the bottom of the steps was the jail box. Ugh.

Wait, never mind. I hear keys rattling and the door is opening. They’re home, let's eat, yea! “Hi Jill, hi James. C’mon let’s go to the kitchen. What's for dinner?”

Hmmm, they're talking to each other in low tones, what’s that about? Oh well, follow me to the kitchen! Wait, James is going down the basement stairs. I know what they’re up to, see ya later.  

Ha! I've crawled under the bed. No way they can get me here. They're calling for me now…... like I'm going to come trotting out to them and that jail box. They’ll never find me. Ah no, they've seen me. That's alright, they can't reach me. Oh no, they're moving the bed, I'm out of here.

Whoa, they got me! No way I'm going in that box! Stick my legs straight, that worked. Grab onto their collars and hold on, that worked. Now they've turned me around, what's that all about. Wait they're stuffing me into the box butt first. I can’t see. Oops! I've slipped in and they slammed the door on me.

They only put me in the jail box for one reason: to go to that terrible place of torture. Now the box and I have been thrown in the back seat of the car. Bam, OUCH! The box has fallen over and I’m on my back. OK, I’ve flipped over. I’ll curl in the back of this box while the car bumps and rattles down the road. We’ve stopped, where are we? Door opening and I peak out. Yep,I knew it, we’re at the house of torture. Through the door, and they put me and the box on the floor where I can only see legs of people and the wolf-like creatures. Wait, there’s a small one staring at me through the door, wagging it’s tail and barking. Hsssssss. Didn’t scare him. Phew! They picked me in my box up and we’re on the move.

Wait, I know where we are. I recognize this room and that bright shiny table. I’m getting in the back of this box and curling up. Maybe they’ll think I’m not here…...didn’t work. Ok, I will absolutely refuse to get out. Go ahead, open the door and try to get me out. Wait, they’re turning the box upside down. Nothing to hold onto. I’m slipping toward the door, hind feet grab the door, bingo!

Can’t get me out now, safe. Uh-oh, they’ve not given up. A strange person is grabbing my legs and pulling me through. Grab with my front claws, got the gate, hold on! Same woman is now grabbing my front feet and she’s got me by the scruff. Hey, do ya think I’m a 4 week old kitten. That hurts. Hsssssss. Didn’t work. What’s the towel for? Whoa, they’ve wrapped me up like a caterpillar in a cocoon. Hsssssss. Didn’t work. Try this, SNARL!  Didn’t work. Now somebody else has appeared and she’s poking and prodding on me, sticking things in my ears and shining super bright lights in my eyes. Peeking into my mouth, Argh!  Now what’s happening? OW! Something stung me. OW! They stung me again. What are they doing now? Gurgle, gurgle, they stuffed this terrible tasting liquid in my mouth. Did they poison me? Now they’ve got my head pulled up and NOW, they’re poking me with a needle again and wait, wait that’s my blood in that tube! I’m really terrified...oh noooo, I peed myself.

What now? They’re letting me go, hooray! Boy I never thought I’d be so happy to crawl back into my jail box. Listen, they’re all laughing and saying things like “I wish she’d gone in the box like that at home, haha!”  Real funny as I’m curled in the back in this box trembling.

Finally, back in the car and it's moving. Phew. Jill and James are talking now. Jill says she’ll never go through that again. She won’t?…. what about me?!  But, I certainly agree with her when she says, never again. She says, from now on reminder cards go straight to the trash can. Wonderful, no more torture house and jail box. Life will be good again.

10 Years Later

Hello, it’s me again, Miss Moneypenny. Hope all’s been well with you. What’s that? How have I been? Well pretty good for a few years since I last talked to you, but not so hot now. Over the last couple of years my mouth really hurts. I’ve even had some teeth break off and another one just dropped out. I still eat through the pain because I’m always hungry now. Funny thing is, I eat more than ever before, but I keep losing weight. I used to be such a fat girl.  And now I’m always having to pee and am constantly thirsty. Sometimes my heart pounds so hard I feel like it’s going to come out of my chest.

I feel bad because Jill is fretting so much over me. Sometimes I hear her asking James if it’s time. Time for what? I hope she’s not talking about me. But I’ll be honest with you now.

Remember the house of horrors? For some reason, I think they could have helped me. Maybe they still can. Wait, here comes James with that jail box. I’ll gladly get in that jail box now if they can help me with the pain.

I sure hope it’s not too late.


Coming soon: the Adventures of Kitty Galore

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